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  • Writer's pictureHannah Elizabeth Kent

Pre-wedding nerves

4ish months to go and the pre-wedding anxiety has just set in.

It’s 5:20am and I’m awake in bed with thoughts rushing round my mind. Usually it’s work, money, health, distant memories or worry for a loved one that keeps my heart racing and my mind awake.

This time however, it’s the wedding.

Tiny tea tent yassssss

Of course I’m still super excited, and I am in no way saying that I don’t want to to get married. My love for Dave has not faltered once. I’m so lucky to have such incredible in-laws-to-be and this is more than I could have ever dreamed off.

We’ve been lovingly assembling favours onto personalised card backs, opening packages of decor and making more and more room for the boxes of things we need to take with us. It’s honestly been an amazing experience the whole way!

My neck, my back, my anxiety attack 👌

So whyyyyyyyyyyyy all the anxiety? I don’t get it, it’s frustrating, it’s annoying and it’s upsetting (as well as being physically difficult and interrupting my physiological needs including sleep!).

I have suffered with anxiety since I was a young child (9-ish?) which is to be expected given my childhood, but you never get used to a generalised anxiety disorder.

That’s why it’s a disorder I guess.

Oh no 😳

I keep having dreams about the wedding and they aren’t even bad dreams, just minor things going wrong; me forgetting the veil, guests not playing nice, us forgetting to choose a first dance 😂

Ultimately I am just going to have to get on with it, like I always do with the infamous depression and anxiety combination. Unlike more beloved combinations (fish and chips, chocolate strawberries, Starski and Hutch, etc.) this one is staying no matter how much you need it to go away.

I have my support systems and coping mechanisms, but realistically (and anyone who suffers with A&D will relate) there’s not a huge amount you can do about it other than managing panic attacks and suffering in silence given the state of medical care for mental health issues.

‘How are you?’ *suffering long time* ‘yeah great thanks, you?’

Hopefully either the root of my sleepless nights will emerge and we can tackle them head on (I say we because Dave is always there with me 🥹) or my body and mind will choose something more appropriate to fixate and perceive as a threat.

I would say ‘or maybe all these sickening feelings will go away’ but we all know that’s never the case 😒

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